It's stupid and boring and i feel like i'm going insane

I haven't updated lately, probably because everyday feels exactly like the last. It's hard to believe I haven't been to Richland in 20 days. It's also hard to believe that Robbie has been in the I.C.U. for 20 days....
In other news, Robbie should be moving out of the I.C.U. early next week and going to the rehab center. I keep telling him that they are sending him to rehab to take care of his crack problem. That makes him smile. He's doing so much better, it's amazing. Things are still hectic with planning for his return home and making sure he has a place to come home to and such, but I know it will work out.

I've been studying off and on since last Tuesday. A couple of days I haven't gotten anything done. I was doing better before Erica got her newest job placement at the hospital. She works during the day, so we aren't going to the library anymore. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling really guilty about my California plans, but now i am back to realizing how good it is going to be for me to get away from here. Robbie will be okay and will be taken care of. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is not my job to run my family. My parents really can take care of it, I just have to let them.

I've been negotiating with Stacey to come and visit in July and be my life coach. I really need a life coach if I want to pass this bar exam.... I guess it's not really Stacey that I need to negotiate with, it's Stacey's parents... and they drive a hard bargain - or no bargain.... Jerks!

I got a card from Jaimee/Bryan/John/Clo. It was really sweet and if any of you read this ever, I really appreciate you thinking about me. I'm feeling like spilling today, so bear with me, while I give you the drunken spew on my relationships with these four rockstars.

Clo - I love Clo! What more can i say. I'm really proud of her for graduating and doing such a rockstar job of taking care of her family. I think sometimes she gets taken advantage of because she is just that nice.

John - John and I haven't talked much in the last few years, but I feel okay about that. When we do chat, things are kool. I sent him a fun text a few weeks ago about about how studying for the bar exam is like death in a box. I know he's going to make a great attorney, because he's a great guy.

Jaimee - Jaimee and I have our issues, as everyone knows. But i'm really grateful for how nice she has been since i've been in Columbia (facebooking Andy, organizing that card, letting me cry on her). It was really nice to catch up with her about law school and such. I think the biggest problem is that I listen to gossip too much and let my feelings get hurt a little too easily. I should really try not to do that, because I really like talking to her when we just let things go.

Bryan - Ditto with the gossip and letting my feelings get hurt thing. I've been a little hard on this boy, probably because I love him to death. In the future, I'm going to try not to attempt to cut people off when i'm upset, especially when i don't even know if the stories i hear are true or not. His niceness and positive messages (especially in that card) make me feel really crappy about myself, and I don't even know how to apologize.

Morphine

Robbie got a tracheotomy today. You know where they make a whole in your throat....it's kind of gross, but his face looks a lot better without the ventilator and feeding tube. They said it will be more comfortable for him in the long run, but right now he hates it. It's taking him a while to adjust to having a gaping hole in his neck....I wonder why!

Robbie wrote "Aaron peed out the window" today. He was really concerned about Mom taking care of it. Weird, huh. When we left, he said he was fine because Aaron was going to spend the day with him. I think Aaron is an odd person for him to be hallucinating about, but who knows what Robbie is thinking. Probably the morphine!

I'm pretty sure he also told the nurse to "put some more of that crack" in his tube. Ha!