The Moment of Truth

so... after all that jazz, I PASSED...
and i feel great about it, i'm super excited to actually start my life as an attorney
except that i feel a little bit guilty
as evidenced by this blog, among other things,
I didn't put in an extraordinary amount of effort to study
there are plenty of people who did study really really hard, for months, and still failed

The pass rate for the July 2008 California bar exam was 61.8%.
The discussion board I post on regarding the exam, has a lot of good advice, including, you CANNOT pass if you do not put in the required effort.

That's obviously a lie.
Maybe the people who say that are paid by BarBri and other companies that sell review courses to scare people into spending millions of dollars preparing for the bar exam. The Barbri course alone costs appoximately $3000 depending on which state you are in, if you need the ipod version b/c you can't do live classes, add another $1000. And most schools and companies encourage you to take PMBR or some other course that helps you prepare for the MBE and the MPT. Those courses are never cheaper than about $1000.

Here's what i spent...

$550 (approximately, for Barbri complete set of books from 2007 off Ebay) ****
$25 at Kinko's to print and turn my outlines into a book
$10 on random highlighters, post it's, and other stupid shit that I used mostly to convince myself that i was studying when in reality i was coloring
--------- for a total of $585-----------------

unless you want to include all the money i spent at Kohl's, Old Navy, etc, when i went shopping to distract myself from studying.... maybe if i would have taken the live barbri course, I wouldn't have had the free time to go shopping:-)

**** After the bar exam, I sold this entire lot of books on ebay, for about $525, so i only lost about $25.
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I think i'm going to start updating about my job search, I forgot how much I enjoy typing random shit for me and stacey to read and laugh at.... and maybe a few other people.

It's stupid and boring and i feel like i'm going insane

I haven't updated lately, probably because everyday feels exactly like the last. It's hard to believe I haven't been to Richland in 20 days. It's also hard to believe that Robbie has been in the I.C.U. for 20 days....
In other news, Robbie should be moving out of the I.C.U. early next week and going to the rehab center. I keep telling him that they are sending him to rehab to take care of his crack problem. That makes him smile. He's doing so much better, it's amazing. Things are still hectic with planning for his return home and making sure he has a place to come home to and such, but I know it will work out.

I've been studying off and on since last Tuesday. A couple of days I haven't gotten anything done. I was doing better before Erica got her newest job placement at the hospital. She works during the day, so we aren't going to the library anymore. A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling really guilty about my California plans, but now i am back to realizing how good it is going to be for me to get away from here. Robbie will be okay and will be taken care of. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is not my job to run my family. My parents really can take care of it, I just have to let them.

I've been negotiating with Stacey to come and visit in July and be my life coach. I really need a life coach if I want to pass this bar exam.... I guess it's not really Stacey that I need to negotiate with, it's Stacey's parents... and they drive a hard bargain - or no bargain.... Jerks!

I got a card from Jaimee/Bryan/John/Clo. It was really sweet and if any of you read this ever, I really appreciate you thinking about me. I'm feeling like spilling today, so bear with me, while I give you the drunken spew on my relationships with these four rockstars.

Clo - I love Clo! What more can i say. I'm really proud of her for graduating and doing such a rockstar job of taking care of her family. I think sometimes she gets taken advantage of because she is just that nice.

John - John and I haven't talked much in the last few years, but I feel okay about that. When we do chat, things are kool. I sent him a fun text a few weeks ago about about how studying for the bar exam is like death in a box. I know he's going to make a great attorney, because he's a great guy.

Jaimee - Jaimee and I have our issues, as everyone knows. But i'm really grateful for how nice she has been since i've been in Columbia (facebooking Andy, organizing that card, letting me cry on her). It was really nice to catch up with her about law school and such. I think the biggest problem is that I listen to gossip too much and let my feelings get hurt a little too easily. I should really try not to do that, because I really like talking to her when we just let things go.

Bryan - Ditto with the gossip and letting my feelings get hurt thing. I've been a little hard on this boy, probably because I love him to death. In the future, I'm going to try not to attempt to cut people off when i'm upset, especially when i don't even know if the stories i hear are true or not. His niceness and positive messages (especially in that card) make me feel really crappy about myself, and I don't even know how to apologize.